it seems death does not interest me at all.

- nem a beszelgetes a lenyeg.
- csak uljunk egy ideig?
- csak.
- amikor...
- ...megszolalunk, akkor ugyanazt mondjuk.
- akkor ez a...
- ...szerelem.

the scary thing is that when I'm in balance with myself and my life my inner persona looks out my eyes and bored out of its mind. realizing that my mind has reduced the world to a cartoon filled with one dimensional characters. conversations are boring, predictable, sometimes I simply cannot wait till the words and the thoughts formulate in others mind and I say it anyways. or just act because I know what they are thinking. no esp or any such nonsense. just one dimension comes with no depth and simplicity.
I struggle with the words, the expressions. initial thought is always the same: I cannot express myself. not in this language, not in the other. oral language is simply become inadequate to express myself in it. by the time I finished describing a thought or a feeling even I wouldn't be able to follow my own thoughts. art - in general - is a convenient substitute but it is subject to interpretation and while artists and critics alike claim that it is the actual point to it I disagree. most artists, real artists, just struggle desperately to express themselves. finding only inadequate tools.
mind evolved two ways very rapidly and the widening gap in society in many ways reflects that.

morning coffee thoughts.